Discover and read the best of Twitter Threads about #TheWeekInTory
Most recents (24)
By any standards, it's a pretty hectic #TheWeekInTory, and it's been a battle to get this down to a readable size.
If you like this nonsense, consider buying my books (links at the end). Or just retweet, or whatevs.
Remember to tap "Read replies" to see the full thread...
If you like this nonsense, consider buying my books (links at the end). Or just retweet, or whatevs.
Remember to tap "Read replies" to see the full thread...
1. Crystal meth Barbie, Nadine Dorries, said she would never quit and cause a by-election
2. Four hours later, she quit and caused a by-election
3. But – being Nadine – she couldn’t cope with the complexities of this basic task, and still hasn’t formally resigned
2. Four hours later, she quit and caused a by-election
3. But – being Nadine – she couldn’t cope with the complexities of this basic task, and still hasn’t formally resigned
4. Her resignation is a form of temper tantrum, for once not conducted outside a Greggs at 2am, but resulting from her not getting a peerage
5. She's previously said the Lords was “cronyism at its worst”, and she’d be “lobbying for a bill to massively reduce the Lords in size”
5. She's previously said the Lords was “cronyism at its worst”, and she’d be “lobbying for a bill to massively reduce the Lords in size”
Last week I was away, so this is technically slightly more than #TheWeekInTory. That’s my way of apologising for it being fucking massive.
Remember to tap "more replies" if they don't immediately show.
It's Friday. My advice: it's best to do this drunk.
Here we go...🧵
Remember to tap "more replies" if they don't immediately show.
It's Friday. My advice: it's best to do this drunk.
Here we go...🧵
1. Let’s start with PartyGate, and joyless claymation ethics droid Rishi Sunak decided to sue his own inquiry for having the temerity to ask to see the things he always said it could see
2. He said he wouldn’t hand over WhatsApp messages that are “unambiguously irrelevant”
2. He said he wouldn’t hand over WhatsApp messages that are “unambiguously irrelevant”
3. The Inquiry said only they could just what’s relevant
4. The govt said they’d already judged, and the Inquiry could trust them, honestly
5. The Inquiry “said no way, dude, hand them over”
6. So the govt said, “what messages? We haven’t even seen them, guv”
4. The govt said they’d already judged, and the Inquiry could trust them, honestly
5. The Inquiry “said no way, dude, hand them over”
6. So the govt said, “what messages? We haven’t even seen them, guv”
I don’t like it.
You don’t like it.
The Tories definitely don’t like it, cos the fuckers keep blocking me.
But it’s happening anyway.
Brace, brace, for #TheWeekInTory🧵
(and remember to click "show replies" if the thread cuts off)
You don’t like it.
The Tories definitely don’t like it, cos the fuckers keep blocking me.
But it’s happening anyway.
Brace, brace, for #TheWeekInTory🧵
(and remember to click "show replies" if the thread cuts off)
1. Let’s start with David Cameron, the ex-PM who charmed us all with his polished manners, lacquered hair, and varnished face
2. The glazed polyp was back this week, to insist we should not criticise the Rwanda plan “unless you have a better idea”
2. The glazed polyp was back this week, to insist we should not criticise the Rwanda plan “unless you have a better idea”
3. I have: stop doing it. Attempting to ship just 37 people to Rwanda last year cost the same as 235 years of asylum allowances, and it was such an effective deterrent that illegal immigration rose by 24% in a year
I was going to do #TheWeekInTory but it’s been so quiet.
You should be so lucky. It’s an absolute fucking casserole. 111 points in a week.
At some point you’ll need to tap “Show replies”, or give up and get howling drunk instead. Bottoms up!
You should be so lucky. It’s an absolute fucking casserole. 111 points in a week.
At some point you’ll need to tap “Show replies”, or give up and get howling drunk instead. Bottoms up!
1. Nigel Farage became the last human (and the first toad) to admit Brexit has failed
2. It’s been *months* since we changed PM, so this week Tories began ousting Rishi Sunak, the chef from Ratatouille having a go at being a lifestyle coach after being abandoned by the rat
2. It’s been *months* since we changed PM, so this week Tories began ousting Rishi Sunak, the chef from Ratatouille having a go at being a lifestyle coach after being abandoned by the rat
3. “The party are giving up on Rishi” said one Tory MP, and the loving quotes from his devoted fanclub just kept on coming
4. “[MPs] are realising that the end is nigh”
5. “A storm is brewing”
6. “[MPs] will roll the dice again if they think they will lose anyway”
4. “[MPs] are realising that the end is nigh”
5. “A storm is brewing”
6. “[MPs] will roll the dice again if they think they will lose anyway”
For a change, I’m going to begin the latest #TheWeekInTory with some news about Labour.
Don't think this makes things any better, because it doesn't.
I implore you, by all you hold dear, not to read this thread.🧵
Don't think this makes things any better, because it doesn't.
I implore you, by all you hold dear, not to read this thread.🧵
1. Under Labour NHS wait averaged 9 weeks
2. After 13 years in power, the Tories’ latest PM, a deep-fake Thunderbird called Rishi Sunak, promised “bring waiting lists down” to 18 months as one of his “Five big pledges”
3. This week Steve Barclay admitted missing that pledge
2. After 13 years in power, the Tories’ latest PM, a deep-fake Thunderbird called Rishi Sunak, promised “bring waiting lists down” to 18 months as one of his “Five big pledges”
3. This week Steve Barclay admitted missing that pledge
4. Its OK if you don’t know who Steve Barclay is: his own family couldn’t pick him out of a line-up of one. He’s so bland his DNA profile says “404 error”. His official photo is the curtains behind him. He’s safe from my usual character assassination, cos he was born without one
It’s been a while (because I’ve been writing a book) but adopt the position, drink heavily, and brace, brace for the return of #TheWeekInTory
Only 72 points. A quiet week.
1. Forget about the old amoral Tory party: this is the shiny new Tory party, now led by Captain Ethics
Only 72 points. A quiet week.
1. Forget about the old amoral Tory party: this is the shiny new Tory party, now led by Captain Ethics
2. And to prove it, Marcus Fysh is being investigated over his income and expenditure
3. And Steve Brine is being investigated for paid lobbying
4. And Henry Smith for incorrect use of taxpayer-funded stationery
3. And Steve Brine is being investigated for paid lobbying
4. And Henry Smith for incorrect use of taxpayer-funded stationery
5. And Matt Hancock for being the Dim Reaper – no, sorry, for his I’m A Celeb jaunt
6. And all-terrain idiot Scott Benton, who admitted on camera that he would happily break parliamentary rules in return for payment from the gambling industry
6. And all-terrain idiot Scott Benton, who admitted on camera that he would happily break parliamentary rules in return for payment from the gambling industry
A thread on #WorldCancerDay2023
On 3rd May 2010, I woke up with cancer.
I'd climbed Helvellyn on the 28th. I played rugby on the 1st. I went to bed on the 2nd feeling fine, and woke on the 3rd with cancer. Not that I knew it was cancer immediately, but I knew SOMETHING.
On 3rd May 2010, I woke up with cancer.
I'd climbed Helvellyn on the 28th. I played rugby on the 1st. I went to bed on the 2nd feeling fine, and woke on the 3rd with cancer. Not that I knew it was cancer immediately, but I knew SOMETHING.
I'd been working from home that day, and when I went for a wee in the morning, a surprising amount of blood poured out of me. Any amount is surprising, I guess, but this was... yeah. Startling.
I called NHS Direct, they got me a GP appointment less than an hour later.
I called NHS Direct, they got me a GP appointment less than an hour later.
So off I went to the GP, still feeling fine and not especially anxious. If I was sick, I'd FEEL sick, right?
She asked for a urine sample, and when I showed her the small phial of pure blood, she jumped up and walked in small circles, like a dog confronted by a spider.
She asked for a urine sample, and when I showed her the small phial of pure blood, she jumped up and walked in small circles, like a dog confronted by a spider.
1/9
I haven't done #TheWeekInTory recently cos I've been busy working on a book, available to support with a pre-order now 🧵
unbound.com/books/four-cha…
It covers the last year of Boris Johnson, a leaking bin-bag full of custard and viagra who in a single year gifted us a...
I haven't done #TheWeekInTory recently cos I've been busy working on a book, available to support with a pre-order now 🧵
unbound.com/books/four-cha…
It covers the last year of Boris Johnson, a leaking bin-bag full of custard and viagra who in a single year gifted us a...
... food shortage, fuel shortages, an HGV crisis, the PPE scandal, a couple of blackmail scandals, PartyGate, JimmySavileGate, FerryGate, TractorGate, RwandaGate, and CocaineGate, then getting caught getting a blowjob in the office, attempting to let off corrupt Owen Paterson...
.. then learning his lesson by attempting to let off gropy Chris Pincher too, before he tore up his own code of office, had 57 ministerial resignations in a week, quitting, and then tried a come-back.
And then it goes on to discuss Liz Truss, aka Margarine Thatcher, who ...
And then it goes on to discuss Liz Truss, aka Margarine Thatcher, who ...
If you love #TheWeekInTory you'll hate The Decade In Tory by me, Russell Jones (my Sunday name), in bookshops from today.
Please remember not to kick your pets or throw furniture while reading it. Alcohol recommended. Enjoy!
#TheDecadeInTory
Reviews follow 🧵
Please remember not to kick your pets or throw furniture while reading it. Alcohol recommended. Enjoy!
#TheDecadeInTory
Reviews follow 🧵
"Boundless wit and convivial exasperation... Meticulous, brilliant, unstintingly splenetic... Our great-grandchildren will place it alongside Pepys, whose diary they will, correctly, judge much, much less funny"
– Howard Goodall
– Howard Goodall
"There is a bleak comedy to the 'inventory of idiocy' as Jones calls it, and you can't help but laugh as he celebrates it... a bravura performance. Substantial, meticulous, incredible, depressing, hilarious, rude - and essential reading"
– Dominic Minghella
– Dominic Minghella
Boy, am I glad I waited until after 1:30 to do #TheWeekInTory
1. It seems an age, but only 6 days ago Elizabeth Truss, an anagram of Haziest Bluster, promised parliament she “absolutely” stuck to her leadership promise of “not planning public spending cuts”
1. It seems an age, but only 6 days ago Elizabeth Truss, an anagram of Haziest Bluster, promised parliament she “absolutely” stuck to her leadership promise of “not planning public spending cuts”
2. She then sacked her chancellor for agreeing with her, and appointed demonic pixie Jeremy Hunt, who promised £40 billion of cuts
3. Hunt was immediately undermined by reports Truss had asked feral gonad Sajid Javid to come back as chancellor, but Javid said: no fucking way
3. Hunt was immediately undermined by reports Truss had asked feral gonad Sajid Javid to come back as chancellor, but Javid said: no fucking way
4. Truss brains-trust member Jason Stein said it didn't happen cos the PM “sat in the cabinet with Javid for 10 years" and "knows who is shit”
5. So Truss sacked her brains-trust
6. Another aide said Truss “pretended her relatives had died” to get out of going out in public
5. So Truss sacked her brains-trust
6. Another aide said Truss “pretended her relatives had died” to get out of going out in public
#TheWeekInTory
tl:dr – AAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHH!!!
I’m sorry. This is the biggest yet.
So drink heavily, and let’s begin what seems 1000 years ago, but was actually this week
[ Cue wobbly flashback effect ]🧵
tl:dr – AAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHH!!!
I’m sorry. This is the biggest yet.
So drink heavily, and let’s begin what seems 1000 years ago, but was actually this week
[ Cue wobbly flashback effect ]🧵
1. Parliament demanded this week’s Prime Minister, Margarine Thatcher, appoint an ethics adviser, despite Truss insisting she doesn’t need one
2. As with all Truss decisions, this was immediately tested by a thorough slap in the chops from the following bits of reality
2. As with all Truss decisions, this was immediately tested by a thorough slap in the chops from the following bits of reality
3. Suella Braverman was formally reprimanded for mishandling sensitive documents
4. Then Kwasi Kwarteng’s celebratory champagne reception for hedge-fund managers who made billions from his shite budget “may have broken the ministerial code”, or what’s left of it after Johnson
4. Then Kwasi Kwarteng’s celebratory champagne reception for hedge-fund managers who made billions from his shite budget “may have broken the ministerial code”, or what’s left of it after Johnson
I did #TheWeekInTory yesterday. Since then:
1. Lee Anderson assaulted someone on camera
2. The govt planned a public info campaign about saving energy
3. Then cancelled it
4. Then the energy minister said the govt is ideologically opposed to helping avoid an energy crisis
1. Lee Anderson assaulted someone on camera
2. The govt planned a public info campaign about saving energy
3. Then cancelled it
4. Then the energy minister said the govt is ideologically opposed to helping avoid an energy crisis
5. Then they said we should expect "rolling 3 hour power blackouts", but we're on our own, fellas
6. Then we saw demands for an ethics inquiry into the first month of Truss, despite Truss refusing to employ an ethics advisor cos she reckons she doesn't need one
6. Then we saw demands for an ethics inquiry into the first month of Truss, despite Truss refusing to employ an ethics advisor cos she reckons she doesn't need one
7. To prove the point, Suella Braverman was formally reprimanded for security breaches
8. And then Conor Burns got sacked for (seemingly) doing something ghastly at the Tory LGBTQ event
I mean ... That's in the last 24 hours. How the hell am I meant to keep up with this shit?
8. And then Conor Burns got sacked for (seemingly) doing something ghastly at the Tory LGBTQ event
I mean ... That's in the last 24 hours. How the hell am I meant to keep up with this shit?
Drink heavily, buckle up, and let's get started with a visit to the Tory Party Conference, where the most dense things in the known universe are packed into one room, and we all pray it reaches critical mass and explodes.
Yet another #TheWeekInTory
Yet another #TheWeekInTory
1. Liz Truss – ITV4 made flesh – got dressed up as a fictional fascist to present her List Of People Who Disagreed With Me, and are therefore enemies
2. No news yet on whether the "enemies list " included Liz Truss from the previous day, who believed in different things
2. No news yet on whether the "enemies list " included Liz Truss from the previous day, who believed in different things
3. In her speech to the Insane Clown Posse, Truss said there was "no alternative" and "I am ready to make the hard choices"
4. Barely 24 hours earlier she'd switched to an alternative because the hard choices were too hard
4. Barely 24 hours earlier she'd switched to an alternative because the hard choices were too hard
#TheWeekInTory
1. Our new PM, Margarine Thatcher, said she was "absolutely committed" to cutting tax for the rich
2. Then she cancelled tax cuts the rich
3. Truss boasted she was prepared to make unpopular decisions
4. But her decisions were unpopular, so she cancelled them
1. Our new PM, Margarine Thatcher, said she was "absolutely committed" to cutting tax for the rich
2. Then she cancelled tax cuts the rich
3. Truss boasted she was prepared to make unpopular decisions
4. But her decisions were unpopular, so she cancelled them
5. Truss was asked “How many people voted for your plan”, and replied…
6.
7.
8. [ profound silence ]
9.
10.
11. … “What do you mean by that?”
6.
7.
8. [ profound silence ]
9.
10.
11. … “What do you mean by that?”
12. Thatcher famously said “The lady’s not for turning”
13. Truss has done 8 U-turns since she began her leadership campaign
14. She rotates so often, she’d be more useful if you painted “MOT” on one side, “TEST” on the other, and stuck her on the pavement outside Kwik Fit
13. Truss has done 8 U-turns since she began her leadership campaign
14. She rotates so often, she’d be more useful if you painted “MOT” on one side, “TEST” on the other, and stuck her on the pavement outside Kwik Fit
Second #TheWeekInTory in 4 days cos ... oh god you know why
1. KamiKwarzi Kwarteng supports crypto so much, he’s turned Sterling into a new one called Shitcoin
2. He fulfilled his promise to wipe out Stamp Duty by making it impossible for anyone to get a mortgage anyway
1. KamiKwarzi Kwarteng supports crypto so much, he’s turned Sterling into a new one called Shitcoin
2. He fulfilled his promise to wipe out Stamp Duty by making it impossible for anyone to get a mortgage anyway
3. These exuberantly stupid inanities had named their policy "Operation Rolling Thunder" after the American offensive in the Vietnam War
4. Despite his History PhD, Kwarteng seemingly wasn't aware how that worked out for the USA, but he's learning fast
4. Despite his History PhD, Kwarteng seemingly wasn't aware how that worked out for the USA, but he's learning fast
5. To help enlighten him, international markets began describing UK as being like a “developing country”
6. The £ dropped to the lowest level for 200 years
7. UK gilts fell 25%, the worst drop since WW2
8. Govt borrowing cost rose to the highest level for half a century
6. The £ dropped to the lowest level for 200 years
7. UK gilts fell 25%, the worst drop since WW2
8. Govt borrowing cost rose to the highest level for half a century
#TheWeekInTory
1. We begin with our new leader, Margarine Thatcher, who in only 3 weeks has become PM, finished off The Queen, taken 2 weeks away from work, ruined our relations with the US, crashed the economy, and started backbench rebellion to remove her from office
1. We begin with our new leader, Margarine Thatcher, who in only 3 weeks has become PM, finished off The Queen, taken 2 weeks away from work, ruined our relations with the US, crashed the economy, and started backbench rebellion to remove her from office
2. Having performed 4 cowardly U-turns during her own endless leadership campaign, Truss now seems to now think was is the key to her success
3. So she unthinkingly announced she’d be accompanying the new (yet also very old) King on his tour of Britain
3. So she unthinkingly announced she’d be accompanying the new (yet also very old) King on his tour of Britain
4. She then bravely announced she wouldn’t be doing that at all
5. And then she boldly claimed she’d never said she would
6. Having demonstrated her lack of brain and courage, the PM completed her Wizard of Oz impression by introducing us to her missing heart
5. And then she boldly claimed she’d never said she would
6. Having demonstrated her lack of brain and courage, the PM completed her Wizard of Oz impression by introducing us to her missing heart
Assuming this is true, let's do a quick #TheWeekInTory style tour of our (probably) new cabinet.
It is a thrilling prospect.
It is a thrilling prospect.
Liz Truss
Margarine Thatcher. Gilead Commander's wife who did 3 U-turns during her campaign, making Liz Truss a more effective opponent of Liz Truss than Rishi Sunak was. Is her own worst enemy, but that won't last.
Elizabeth Truss is an anagram of Haziest Bluster.
Margarine Thatcher. Gilead Commander's wife who did 3 U-turns during her campaign, making Liz Truss a more effective opponent of Liz Truss than Rishi Sunak was. Is her own worst enemy, but that won't last.
Elizabeth Truss is an anagram of Haziest Bluster.
Kwazi Kwarteng
Ex-Minister for Brexit, then Business, Energy and Growth. Those things are all going swimmingly, so now he's Chancellor, despite being out of his depth on a sheet of graphene. I don't know this for sure, so don't quote me, but has "fall guy" tattooed on his balls.
Ex-Minister for Brexit, then Business, Energy and Growth. Those things are all going swimmingly, so now he's Chancellor, despite being out of his depth on a sheet of graphene. I don't know this for sure, so don't quote me, but has "fall guy" tattooed on his balls.
I hate #TheWeekInTory. But that's what it's for, right?
1. The leadership election is down to two: Liz Truss, a Maggie Thatcher knock-off you’d find at Elizabeth Duke, and Rishi Sunak, the chef from Ratatouille having a go at being a lifestyle coach after the rat abandoned him
1. The leadership election is down to two: Liz Truss, a Maggie Thatcher knock-off you’d find at Elizabeth Duke, and Rishi Sunak, the chef from Ratatouille having a go at being a lifestyle coach after the rat abandoned him
2. Capt Birdseye impersonator Penny Mordaunt was out after the unexpected failure of her grand vision of a Little Britain where we all team up to “write a theme tune”
3. Instead, Mordaunt tweeted that Liz Truss and Rishi Sunak would “murder the Tory party”
3. Instead, Mordaunt tweeted that Liz Truss and Rishi Sunak would “murder the Tory party”
4. I don’t know if they’ve settled on a General Election slogan, but that must surely be in the shortlist
5. If you'll excuse the mixed cutlery metaphor, Nadine Dorries, a woman with a fork in a world of soup, tweeted an image of Rishi Sunak literally stabbing Boris Johnson
5. If you'll excuse the mixed cutlery metaphor, Nadine Dorries, a woman with a fork in a world of soup, tweeted an image of Rishi Sunak literally stabbing Boris Johnson
#TheWeekInTory is here again, dammit
1. We flushed and flushed and flushed, but Boris Johnson keeps bobbing back up
2. This week the horny honey-monster managed to call a no-confidence vote in himself, then forgot he’d done it
1. We flushed and flushed and flushed, but Boris Johnson keeps bobbing back up
2. This week the horny honey-monster managed to call a no-confidence vote in himself, then forgot he’d done it
3. Regardless, all (but one) Tory MP felt this was absolutely fine
4. Sir Edward Leigh, a shabbily upholstered Chesterfield crammed into a blazer he found at a regatta, defended Johnson on the grounds that he is not "a mass murderer". And who among us expects more from our PM?
4. Sir Edward Leigh, a shabbily upholstered Chesterfield crammed into a blazer he found at a regatta, defended Johnson on the grounds that he is not "a mass murderer". And who among us expects more from our PM?
5. Johnson proved he learned his lesson about lying to parliament, and that lesson was: I’m great at lying to parliament
6. He told MPs “We have rounded up those county lines drugs gangs, 1500 of them so far"
7. This is actually the number of telephone lines closed down
6. He told MPs “We have rounded up those county lines drugs gangs, 1500 of them so far"
7. This is actually the number of telephone lines closed down
1. Boris Johnson plans to stage a no-confidence vote in his own government. I mean… how do I follow that up?
2. With this: the Tory right is determined to get 8-bit minister Liz Truss elected through thick and thin (here represented by Nadine Dorries and Jacob Rees-Mogg)
2. With this: the Tory right is determined to get 8-bit minister Liz Truss elected through thick and thin (here represented by Nadine Dorries and Jacob Rees-Mogg)
3. Dorries – trapped forever at Lambrini o'clock – said Truss is “a stronger Brexiteer” than her or JRM
4. Truss campaigned and voted for Remain and said Brexit would be a disaster. Which it is.
5. This, it should be noted, is the last recorded time Liz Truss was right
4. Truss campaigned and voted for Remain and said Brexit would be a disaster. Which it is.
5. This, it should be noted, is the last recorded time Liz Truss was right
I wish it was an exaggeration, but it is only 3 days since my last #TheWeekInTory, his is the 4th in a week, and... here we go again.
Like the shoe-stretchers my mum got me for Christmas, they're the stinky gift that keeps on giving.
Let's dive in...
Like the shoe-stretchers my mum got me for Christmas, they're the stinky gift that keeps on giving.
Let's dive in...
1. Previously on The Week In Tory: thermonuclear tribunal magnet Boris Johnson battled to survive, as Steve Baker told the BBC “I believe the Conservative Party is the only party capable of good government”, and just behind him over half of that government resigned
2. In a stunning return to form, prognosticator of prognosticators Jacob Rees-Mogg, that disturbing merger between The Child Catcher and the concept of rickets, predicted Boris Johnson would remain as PM for 20 years
3. Johnson resigned the same day
3. Johnson resigned the same day
I've been struggling to think of anything to put into #TheWeekInTory. Quiet, innit?
Only kidding. It's an absolute casserole. This is the 3rd of these in 6 days, and is almost certainly already out of date.
Regardless, this is my life now, and I'm taking it out on you...
Only kidding. It's an absolute casserole. This is the 3rd of these in 6 days, and is almost certainly already out of date.
Regardless, this is my life now, and I'm taking it out on you...
1. Boris Johnson became the third successive Tory Prime Minister to have their career destroyed by Boris Johnson
2. Always stickers for tradition, the Tories first promised, and then proved completely incapable of Getting Exit Done
2. Always stickers for tradition, the Tories first promised, and then proved completely incapable of Getting Exit Done
3. This all began with the resignation of Oliver Dowden, the Minister Without Portfolio
4. After 43 resignations in 24 hours, we ended up having portfolios without ministers, including the govt’s flagship Levelling Up Dept, which was, irony of ironies, absolutely flattened
4. After 43 resignations in 24 hours, we ended up having portfolios without ministers, including the govt’s flagship Levelling Up Dept, which was, irony of ironies, absolutely flattened
It’s only a couple of days since I did #TheWeekInTory, and here I am again because – oh hell, you already know why.
Anyway, here we go, you lucky, lucky bastards
1. Chris Pincher was accused of groping 2 men after getting indescribably pissed
Anyway, here we go, you lucky, lucky bastards
1. Chris Pincher was accused of groping 2 men after getting indescribably pissed
2. He did it in a place that’s – genuinely – called “Cad’s Corner” in one of the Tory Party’s favourite members-only clubs, and nothing says “this unacceptable behaviour was totally unexpected” like providing it with a designated venue
3. Pincher resigned, but Boris Johnson, the randy yeti who is still, at the time of writing, our Prime Minister, didn’t withdraw the whip from him
4. Pincher had already had to resign as a whip in 2019 for groping people
5. And faced investigates into groping in 2017 too
4. Pincher had already had to resign as a whip in 2019 for groping people
5. And faced investigates into groping in 2017 too
Because I was busy last week, this episode of #TheWeekInTory covers more than 7 days, but not – you’ll be amazed to hear – the 700 years it would take most govts to get through this lot.
Remember, it’s OK to want to scream or take drugs during this epic.
Brace, brace…🧵
Remember, it’s OK to want to scream or take drugs during this epic.
Brace, brace…🧵
1. The Tories lost 2 by-elections in a single night, and by record-breaking amounts
2. A dignified response came from defeated Tory candidate Helen Hurford, who locked herself in a dance studio (the traditional fridge presumably being unavailable)
2. A dignified response came from defeated Tory candidate Helen Hurford, who locked herself in a dance studio (the traditional fridge presumably being unavailable)
3. Inspired by Hurford expressing herself via the hidden medium of secret dance, our heroic PM Boris Johnson ran away from his own party conference
4. One of his own MPs said his absence was “no great loss to us”
5. Another said “he’s shown absolute contempt for colleagues”
4. One of his own MPs said his absence was “no great loss to us”
5. Another said “he’s shown absolute contempt for colleagues”
